LOHAN PRETENDS TO GET HELP

GOSSIP GUY 

From AA to Rehab: Just Another Day for La Lohan!

In an attempt to repair her image (which, as you know, needs some serious work), Lindsay Lohan has officially gone from AA meetings to rehab.  The actress, who reportedly passed out drunk in a hotel hallway following Prince’s post-Golden Globes bash, has taken it upon herself to get clean…or, more to the point, to show the people who sign her paychecks that she’s trying to get clean.  Either way, for the next 30 days, we should be Lohan-free.  Wow, imagine what that will feel like—to wake up in the morning and not read about whatever disaster-of-the-moment Lohan has found herself wrapped up in.  Should she actually make it through all thirty days, we expect Lohan to come out and celebrate by doing something foolish…like, um, being herself.  You know: the Paris Hilton way (remember when she was going to “stop being a party girl”?).  

All Paula, All the Time!

It’s hard enough dealing with the American Idol fever that has spread its way across the country—now we have to deal with more Paula Abdul.  The washed-up singer-turned-talent scout has landed her own reality TV show.  Finally, a reality TV show to compete against her other reality TV show!  Apparently, the show (that will air on Bravo—the Film and Arts Network) will follow Paula around as she…you know: does stuff.  And how much you wanna bet that every other word out of her mouth is either “American Idol,” “Two steps forward, two steps back,” or “Why am I so boring?”? 

The World is Once Again Safe: Naomi Campbell to Attend Anger Management Classes!

Supermodel Naomi Campbell finally learned that throwing cell phones at the people who work for you probably isn’t the smartest idea…especially when they get hurt and sue you.  Campbell plead guilty to assault charges in court recently and admitted that she threw the phone, but claimed it was an “accident.”  While it would’ve been great if the judge turned around and said, “You’re the accident!,” he did not and, instead, insisted Campbell pay all medical expenses, complete five days of community service (I wonder what it would look like to see a supermodel picking up garbage along the freeway?), and attend anger management classes.

And This Week’s Golden Donkey Goes To…

… Grey’s Anatomy star Isaiah Washington.  Talk about a guy who’s in desperate need of emergency surgery to remove the very large foot stuck in his mouth, Washington blurted out the word “faggot” during a post-Golden Globes press conference while referring back to the fight he and fellow co-star Patrick Dempsey had on the Grey’s Anatomy set not long ago.  Supposedly, during said fight, Washington told Dempsey: “I’m not your little faggot like TR.”  TR, of course, is TR Knight—another Anatomy star who had nothing to do with the spat.  However, Washington claims he never said that.  Cut to this week: Washington once again used the word whilst defending himself and his claim that he never used “the bad word” in the first place.  Yet, afterward, he apologized for using it twice.  So, not only is he caught up in his own lie, but he’s also a moron.  As per usual, he’s pulling a Michael Richards and asking the gay community to help heal his hatin’ ways.  Nice try, Isaiah, but you’re still this week’s biggest ass.

That Thing Called Love

Love, sex, marriage, divorce—and that’s just the first week of your average Hollywood romance.  Here’s what’s swirling around the rumor mill this week…

According to reports, Cameron Diaz has officially moved on to her rebound man.  The Charlie’s Angel has been spotted chillin’ with surf champion Kelly Slater.  He’s been giving her some “private surfing lessons,” while she’s been giving him…well, let’s just go with companionship.  We’re just wondering whether she had that lower back tattoo removed in time.  Ya know, the one that read “Justin Wuz Here.”

It appears as though Paris Hilton’s best friend may be trying to get in on the whole sex tape extravaganza.  Yes, socialite Kim Kardashian reportedly learned nothing (or did she learn everything?) from her friend’s little filmed sex romp, as a tape featuring her and ex boyfriend Ray J has somehow made its way into the hands of internet porn company SugarDVD.com.  Kardashian was apparently offered $2 million for the rights, however she wants nothing (or everything?) to do with the thing.

Marilyn Manson wants to make sure his ex, Dita Von Teese, gets absolutely nothing out of their recent split; the rocker is attempting to block her from claiming spousal support now and in the future.  The two also cannot agree on the date of their official split—Manson says Halloween and Von Teese says Christmas Eve.  Perhaps she’s a little confused—after all, every day probably feels like Halloween around the Manson household.

Quote of the Week:

“When I travel, people feel uncomfortable when I say I’m American.  They think it’s suspicious that I want to do something positive for them.  I think they wonder why the American people reelected a president who is making foreign policy choices that are affecting other countries in a way that we should question.” – Angelina Jolie