WEEKLY SPORTS WRAP-UP – Jan 18th, 2007
Recently, our magnificent town of Los Angeles was rocked by two of the biggest professional sports stories since the introduction of Fernando Valenzuela. Firstly, the City of Angels, the world capital of entertainment, is about to inherit the world’s most glamorous sports relative: Victoria Beckham, formerly Posh Spice and currently the wife of soccer player David Beckham. Secondly, the Los Angeles Dodgers, beginning next year, will have the pavilions (the outfield bleachers, for you non-baseball fans) be—get this—all you can eat. Yes.
Yes, indeed. Victoria is finally making her triumphant return to the States after years of isolation in crappy ol’ Europe. Though she is without Baby, Sporty, Shemp, and BeeBop, I am sure she will be making an even bigger impact on American culture this time around. She is accompanied by her aforementioned husband, David, who, according to some source, just signed a contract with the Los Angeles Galaxy of Major League Soccer for reportedly $250 million over the next five years. Thought he is 31 years of age, he still seems to have some following in the sports world, some say. Then again, who cares: it’s soccer.
David’s arrival to the States is meant to bring world attention to a sport in a country that doesn’t care for it. Case in point: the NFL, America’s greatest sports association, rakes in roughly $8 billion annually, whereas MLS, the league David will be the face of, brings in about $8 million. My numbers here might be slightly off, but he comparison is valid. Let’s hope he holds up his side of the bargain. The love affair with Beckham and Hollywood is well documented. His mark on the world can be felt everywhere, including the great sports epic, Bend it Like Beckham, which allowed Americans to finally appreciate young girls in soccer shorts, as well as escorting Miss Victoria to many red carpet events, most recently to TomKat’s wedding. Word has it that David called Mr. Cruise to ask him for advice about living in Los Angeles. Tom told him to always remember to tip the valet guys at the spaceship landing pads, or else they’ll scratch up your space modular. Sound piece of advice, if I ever heard one.
As for the other top LA sports story, the Los Angeles Dodgers have announced that those who choose to sit in the right field pavilions will have the opportunity to watch the game while eating as many Dodger Dogs as humanly possible. For the price of $40, you get the privilege to stand in line for 35 minutes to get 11 hotdogs, 18 nachos, and a Coke, then sit 400 ft. away from home plate, just to watch the peaks of pop flies by, well, someone, since you can’t fucking tell while sitting about a tenth of a mile away. I’d hate to be a Giants outfielder, coming into LA, with an 80% chance of a relish shower.
Seriously you guys, when the hell are we going to have a pro football team here? Guys? Seriously. You guys?