Dakota Fanning is Some Hounddog!


Now that Dakota Fanning’s new film Hounddog (in which her character is raped) has premiered, controversy over the 12-year-old’s explicit scenes is spreading farther and wider than Anna Nicole Simpson during a visit to the local retirement home.  Apparently, a petition calling for the arrest of Fanning’s mother and agent has popped up online, all while critics continue to pan the film—not because of the rape scene, but because it’s, well, not good.  Meanwhile, Fanning has lashed out at those who have been unkind toward her mom, insisting that the world is a nasty place…and if a 12-year-old wants to film a rape scene in exchange for an Oscar nomination, then she sure as hell has the right to do so.  Ain’t America grand?

Who’s Your Daddy!

And speaking of Anna Nicole Smith, a judge has temporarily blocked an order that would force a DNA test to determine the identity of ANS’ baby daughter.  Behind door number one, we have celebrity photographer Larry Birkhead.  Behind door number two, we have longtime Smith attorney Howard K. Stern.  And, behind door number three, we have hundreds of thousands of people who couldn’t care less about the outcome.  The order shall be delayed until an American doctor can receive a work permit in order to conduct the test down in the Bahamas.

Spain Shows No Love for Leonardo DiCaprio!


Upset that he showed up an hour late to a photo call while promoting his new film Blood Diamond in Madrid, the Spanish press promptly booed the Titanic star…for thirty seconds.  Because that’s how long it took Leonardo DiCaprio to realize that people in Spain won’t kiss your ass when it doesn’t show up on time.  Upon exiting the room, the crowd cheered…until they realized none of them would be receiving paychecks since their assignment just skipped town without paying the bill.

And This Week’s Golden Donkey Goes To…

…surpise, surprise—Lindsay Lohan.  Just when you thought we’d have a month off from reporting on her everyday chicanery, Lohan has turned her rehab treatment into a nice, relaxing vacation.  From shopping to spending time with friends to taking a trip to her condo, Lohan has done everything except embrace the treatment that she was supposedly set to receive.  Of course, “her people” have been working overtime to defend Lindsay’s every move, taking five minutes each night before bed time to throw darts at that framed Herbie Fully Loaded poster hanging over their toilets.  Now that her “treatment” has ended, Lohan returned to the set of her latest film, I Know Who Killed Me, as yours truly has begun writing the sequel, I Know Who’s Receiving This Week’s Golden Donkey.

That Thing Called Love

Love, sex, marriage, divorce—and that’s just the first week of your average Hollywood romance.  Here’s what’s swirling around the rumor mill this week…


Is George Clooney really dating Pamela Anderson, or is the world coming to an end?  I can’t tell, because both produce utterly ridiculous images in my head.  Yes, apparently the he’s-too-sharp heartthrob has been spotted out on the town with Paris Hilton’s long lost filmmaking mentor, playing puppy love while walking, well, puppies.  Oh George, just please keep the video cameras locked up and out of Pam’s reach.  I’m sure you’re proud of Ocean’s Thirteen…inches, but that doesn’t mean we need to buy front row tickets to the premiere.

Now that Anne Heche has officially switched teams, she’s switching men, too.  Reports claim that the actress has split from her husband after five years of marriage for her Men in Trees co-star James Tupper.  Yes, in Anne’s word, apparently men do grow on trees.  Heche has one son, Homer, with Tupper, who left his wife in November.  Gee, I wonder if little Homer’s first response to all this was, D’oh!

Kate Hudson is wasting no time jumping back in the sack after her brief romance with Owen Wilson flopped You, Me and Dupree-style—she’s recently been spotted kissing on Jet frontman Nic Cester while filming her latest flick in Australia.  Someone’s obviously enjoying her time Down Under, huh?  This might prove slightly problematic, since Cester is friends with Hudson’s ex, Chris Robinson.  So, she’s done the immediate rebound with co-star, romantic fling with ex-husband look-a-like…what’s next?  How about love affair with older man?  Hey, George Clooney should be available next weekend.

Quote of the Week:

Hugh Hefner in response to Kelly Osbourne’s desire to pose nude for Playboy: “I can’t see it happening somehow—we don’t airbrush to that extent.”