Britney is Back and Looking Worse Than Ever!


Britney Spears and her ridiculous antics are once again being shoved down our throats, but this time Spears (or, more likely, her “manager”) has decided to respond…with a very boring (and sober) note posted on her website.  The latest Spears debacle had her leaving  LA’s Dolce, looking twice her age and apparently muttering, “I love myself.  I love myself.”  This came around the same time an announcement was made stating Spears and ex-hubby K-Fed would share custody of their two children for the month of January.  Isn’t that special—now we just need the girl to stay coherent.  Hey, but according to the message on her website: “I know I’ve been far from perfect and the media has had a lot of fun exaggerating my every move, but I want you all to know that I love my fans so much.”  She loves herself.  She loves her fans.  But does anyone still love her?

Lindsay Lohan Has Emergency Surgery!

But, unfortunately, it wasn’t brain surgery.  No, Lohan made a trip to the hospital (I wonder if she rents a room there by now) after not feeling so well, and doctors decided to remove her appendix as a precaution.  In what appears to be an annual New Year’s tradition for Lohan (she spent last New Year’s in the hospital after suffering from a severe case of asthma), reports claim she’s currently resting safely.  Get Well cards are being sent to the producers of whatever film she’s either currently shooting or supposed to be shooting since Lohan will probably milk this sucker for a good month or so.

Leonardo DiCaprio Adopts African Child!


Does it ever end, people?  Does it ever end?  Apparently, Leonardo DiCaprio has adopted a little girl from Africa with whom he met while filming Blood Diamond.  Fear not, worried parents: Leo will not bring the girl back to the States—but rather, he will send her monetary payments each month, as well as an advanced copy of Blood Diamond (unrated!).  And, if she’s lucky, he’ll throw in a signed Departed DVD.  It makes one wonder: How long before Wal-Mart introduces their Adopt an African aisle?  Seriously. I’d really like to know.

And This Week’s Golden Donkey Goes To…

…sportscaster Jim Lampley.  After covering the sport of boxing for so long, Lampley decided to get in the ring himself…except he was high, drunk, and fighting his live-in girlfriend.  Oops.  The man was arrested last Wednesday afternoon for allegedly having one too many and deciding to throw ex-Miss California Candace Sanders into a wall…and then another wall…and then into the door where she apparently collapsed, KO’d after only a few minutes.  Ding-ding!  For Lampley’s next fight, he will take on some domestic violence charges.  And that, my friends, makes him this week’s biggest ass. 

That Thing Called Love

Love, sex, marriage, divorce—and that’s just the first week of your average Hollywood romance.  Here’s what’s swirling around the rumor mill this week…

…and just when you thought love was in the air during the holiday season…

Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake reportedly broke up for the one-millionth time, while rumors suggest Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson have also split.  Timberlake did the usual post-relationship public thing, as he took his mother to the premiere of Alpha Dog and, if you listen to those delicious TV reports, Hudson and Wilson split after he refused to commit to a relationship.  Who can blame him?  Rebound relationships never last.

Oh, but Owen Wilson isn’t the only one afraid to commit—Claire Danes and Billy Crudup have reportedly ended their three-year relationship after he refused to discuss the big “M” word.  Yes, marriage.  Hey, at least he got out early this time and didn’t leave the girl while she was pregnant (ahem, Mary Louise Parker).

And, finally, speaking of people who have a hard time handling the whole marriage thing, Marilyn Manson and burlesque dancer-turned-Manson’s latest wife, Dita Von Teese, have filed for divorce.  However, Teese claims she couldn’t even find Manson to tell him she was filing.  Hmm, perhaps he was hiding in some rabbit hole somewhere—I mean, the guy is planning to shoot an Alice in Wonderland-related flick sometime in the next…does it really matter?

Quote of the Week: 

Demi Moore on falling in love with Ashton Kutcher: “If somebody would have said, ‘OK, here is the prediction: You’re going to meet a man [who is] 25 years old, and he’s going to see being with you and having your three kids as a bonus,’ I would have said, ‘Keep dreaming.’  He was in this real rise of his career just as we met, which, for a young man, is prime opportunity for heavy-duty play.”