LINDSAY LOHAN’S LOVELY LIBIDO
GOSSIP GUY
Lindsay Lohan Loves Strippers!
America’s favorite rehabilitating socialite wanted to set the record straight and enter 2007 with a clear conscious. No, she didn’t spend Christmas feeding the poor—instead Lindsay Lohan made a point to apologize to strippers everywhere for accidentally calling them “whores” in an email that was leaked to the media last month. Upon spending the night after Christmas partying up at the New York strip club Scores, Lohan shouted to reporters, “I love strippers!” They love you too, Lindsay. They love you and your million-dollar paychecks.
Pitt and Jolie Spend the Holidays in Costa Rica…with Colombian Refugees!
While Lohan was off stripping in New York, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie continued their non-existent run for office by traveling to Costa Rica in order to spend time with some Colombian refugees. When they weren’t trying to save the world, Mr. & Mrs. Jolie-Pitt killed time at their hotel (The Four Seasons) with their three adopted kids, nanny, and personal chef. Meanwhile, the Colombian refugees were tied up and forced to watch Tomb Raider 1 and 2…on repeat!
Tim Burton Sued for Breaking Up with Girlfriend Five Years Ago!
Though their relationship ended back in August of 2001, Lisa Marie is suing her ex-boyfriend Tim Burton claiming he conspired with friends and lawyers in an attempt to get Marie to accept a settlement on Burton’s terms instead of chasing after him for money the actress/model claims was promised to her back in 1992. It was that year of which Marie claims Burton promised to support her for the rest of her life. Aww, don’t we all say things like that when we’re drunk and want to spend “private time” with a member of the opposite sex? We’re sure stranger things have leaked out in the heat of the moment, especially in Burton’s bed.
And This Week’s Golden Donkey Goes To…
…Mike “I’m no addict” Tyson. The former heavyweight champion boxer-turned-complete lunatic was arrested yet again. No, this time he didn’t beat up his girlfriend. Instead, Tyson nearly ran into a sheriff’s police cruiser upon leaving a nightclub, failed a sobriety test, and cocaine was found in his possession. Not for nothing, but considering some of the other things (ahem, rape) Tyson has been accused of over the years, a DUI with a sprinkle of cocaine is not so bad. See kids, time in prison really does rehabilitate a man. Still, for continuously getting into trouble and being a straight-up jerk, Mike Tyson is this week’s biggest ass.
That Thing Called Love
Love, sex, marriage, divorce—and that’s just the first week of your average Hollywood romance. Here’s what’s swirling around the rumor mill this week…
Is Julia Roberts pregnant again? After giving birth to twins back in 2004, reports now claim the actress will spit out at least one more kid this summer. According to the New York Post, Roberts was “pleasantly surprised” to discover she was expecting. Kind of like how we’re all pleasantly surprised to see her still hanging around the big screen instead of running off to some foreign country to pop out kids named after fruits and vegetables. Yes, we’re talking about you, Paltrow!
Their assets are officially split, and so are Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. While details of the settlement were not disclosed, these documents bring an end to their divorce, even though the two were legally allowed to marry other people back in June. Since breaking up last November, Lachey has been busy shacking up with MTV VJ Vanessa Minnillo, while Simpson has been romantically linked to every single guy she’s come in contact with…except for the Gossip Guy. Drats.
Hey, guess what? Supermodel Niki Taylor just got hitched to Nascar driver Burney Lamar during an intimate ceremony in San Diego. You know what they say about supermodels who marry Nascar drivers, right? Neither do I, but I’m sure the words “long,” “fast,” “hard,” and “stop starving yourself” would and should be included somewhere.
Quote of the Week:
“I hope you live 200 years, and that I live 200 years minus one day, so I never know beautiful people like you passed away.” — James Brown
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