MANSON GETS WOOD!
Your New American Idols: David Beckham and Posh Spice!
In a five-year deal worth upwards of $250 million, David Beckham (along with his wife, Victoria “Man, am I lucky I married this guy” Beckham) is heading to America, where David will play soccer for the Los Angeles Galaxy. (Yes, believe it or not, we have professional soccer teams too!) So what if he’ll make more than the entire league combined? It’s David Beckham, baby! Screw Spears and Hilton—we finally have a new couple to stalk. Yes! We’re taking bets now: Which one ends up in rehab first?
From Miss Nevada to Midgets, Monkeys, and Playboy!
After her title of Miss Nevada was revoked recently—subsequent to a set of extremely sexually-explicit photos arriving online—Katie Rees wants the country to know that she’s ashamed of her behavior and is sorry she made one big mistake. So, to make it up to us, she’s currently eying a deal to pose nude in Playboy, as well as hosting something called The Beacher’s Madhouse at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. A few things on the agenda: a female orgasm contest, half-naked girls, midgets, and monkeys. See, aren’t you upset Trump and Co. didn’t give Ms. Rees a second chance?
It’s on! Jolie vs. Madonna: Who’s the Better Adoptive Mother?!
Madonna is pissed at Angelina Jolie, and orphans everywhere just want the whole mess to go away. In a recent article appearing in a French magazine, Jolie reportedly slammed Madonna for adopting her baby illegally, claiming that she (unlike Madonna) “likes to stay on the right side of the law.” Ouch. However, Jolie later stated that her words were twisted around (what else is new?) and that she had plenty of good things to say about Madonna. Like how Brad Pitt is totally so much hotter than Guy Ritchie.
And This Week’s Golden Donkey Goes To…
…Anthony Michael Hall. Move over Michael Richards, The Breakfast Club star wants everyone to know that he hates black people, too. Well, we’re not actually sure he hates black folks, but he did throw the “N” word around outside, of all places, LA’s Laugh Factory recently, as though it’s now the “cool” thing to do. Apparently, AMH was just messing around with some fans while signing autographs, but it’s nevertheless still a stupid thing to do…especially with today’s publicity-hungry “victims” of Political Incorrectness. Then again, who does Hall have to apologize to? His legions of fans? All three of them (excluding Ally Sheedy)? Heck, he could use the attention. So, for using the “N” word outside of the Laugh Factory months after the joke ended, Anthony Michael Hall is this week’s biggest ass.
That Thing Called Love
Love, sex, marriage, divorce—and that’s just the first week of your average Hollywood romance. Here’s what’s swirling around the rumor mill this week…
Yes, it’s officially over. No, we’re not talking about the feud between Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell—that little love fest will most likely continue until those of us at home physically take a stand and ship both of them off to an island far, far away. No, we’re talking about Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz. In a joint statement, the couple has admitted to splitting up, ending their four-year relationship and squashing our dreams of seeing both of them in a romantic comedy that ultimately bombs at the box office. Did anyone tell Lance that Justin is once again single? Get on that STAT!
Is Britney Spears dating a K-Fed look-a-like? According to reports, the recently single mother of two has been spotted with 25-year-old male model Isaac Cohen who, as with K-Fed, prefers his jeans low and those handkerchiefs around his head to be slammin’ crazy-fresh style. Cohen’s agent (wait, he has an agent?!) confirmed the romance to People Magazine, saying “He’s not a player. He’s not out to get famous.” The Gossip Guy then added, “He’s just out to gwet laid.” Hey, it’s better than nothing.
In an attempt to date as many random people (Tom Green?) as possible, Drew Barrymore has ended her whopping five-year (is that a record?) relationship with Strokes’ frontman Fabrizio Moretti. Apparently, they just needed some “time off” from one another—either that, or they needed some “time with” a whole bunch of groupies.
And, finally, this week’s WTF relationship award goes to Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood. He’s 38 and paints his face up with goth make-up, while her claim to fame is the movie Thirteen. At exactly half Manson’s age, apparently she’s his new muse. Props to Manson for dating someone who’s legally an adult, although we’d like to send out an official warning to Dakota Fanning. Watch out, girl: he likes them young and controversial.
Quote of the Week: Eva Mendes on Cameron Diaz:
“If I were a guy, I’d ask Cameron to marry me. She’s got the greatest spirit and she has the cutest, tightest butt. Her butt is so cute, I can’t take it.”